Amusing and FAKE Virus Warnings #2

AVOID COMPUTER VIRUSES - PRACTICE SAVE HEX.

Birthday Virus:

Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

Bobbit Virus:

Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.

Bobbit Virus #2:

It turns a 7.5meg hardrive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy drive.

Oprah Winfrey Virus:

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Oprah Winfrey Virus #2:

First appears on system as a 120 KB file, later swells to 200 KB, then returns to its original size. Periodic printouts appear to keep you surprised.

AT&T Virus:

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

AT&T Virus #2:

Constantly reminds you how it's giving you much better service than the other viruses.

AT&T Virus #3:

Takes complete control of your system, deletes 800 files, reformats your disk then disappears in four years.

MCI Virus:

Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.

MCI Virus #2:

Encourages you to send it to your friends and family.

Sprint Virus:

Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping.

Paul Revere Virus:

This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.

Ponzi Virus:

It logs onto your bank's computer and transfers $1 into the accounts of the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It then attaches itself to the next 10 items of mail you send.

Politically Correct Virus:

Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Right To Life Virus:

Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.

Nike Virus:

Just does it.

OJ Simpson Virus:

Slashes any data close to its domain and then blames it on either the Columbian Kingpin virus, the LAPD virus, or the Random Burgler virus.

Ross Perot Virus:

Activates every component in your system just before the whole damn thing quits.

Ross Perot Virus #2:

Runs for awhile, leaves the system, then re-appears, but with less effect.

Mario Cuomo Virus:

It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Ted Turner Virus:

Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:

Terminates your session and then disappears. It'll be back.

Jack Kevorkian Virus:

Enables irreparably damaged files to delete themselves.

Dan Quayle Virus:

Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining a binary network.

Dan Quayle Virus #2:

Thers sumthin rong wit yur komputer, butt ewe jsut cant figyour it out!

Al Gore Virus:

Whenever you inquire about one of your environment variables, it shows you the current setting, but then tacks on an alarmist message concerning the future of the variable.

Tipper Gore Virus:

When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.

Government Economist Virus:

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Gridloick Virus:

Keeps shuffling information that it calls 'bills' between your CPU and BUS, sending messages like 'House Bill #xxxx is unacceptable to Senate'. Never gets any work done.

Right-Wing-Hardliner Virus:

Won't allow any changes on your system, but keeps saying that things will get better as soon as it takes over the Whitehouse.

Left-Wing-Drivel Virus:

Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.

New World Order Virus:

Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus:

Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Gallup Virus:

Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

Terry Randle Virus:

Prints "Oh no you don't!" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas Virus:

Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve Virus:

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional Virus:

The computer locks up; screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline Virus:

You're in Dallas, but your data ends up in Singapore.

Freudian Virus:

Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.

PBS Virus:

Your programs stop every few minutes asking for more money.

Ollie North Virus:

Causes your printer to suddenly become a paper shredder.